E.O.B.'s Chronicles Part One...

[EssayOfBetrayal]

I really don't know what to say...so many things to do....to say...to think.

I'm really at loss for words at this point....

A part of me just wants to give up...I'm tired...I grow weary of life and it's trials and tribulations. Go ahead and ridicule me...I know I'm weak....every man and woman has their moments where they feel so close and low to the ground.

I wish I had something better to say with my update...but I don't know what to do at this point...

[shiz]

Chronicles found?

Hey Essay, I understand. And its normal. Life is full of ups and downs, and everybody needs them to build character. With each trial we learn, and it shapes us. We grow stronger.

Hang in there, and hopefully your current trials and tribulation end soon.

And when you are looking back in retrospect, you will have a better idea of how to get through it next time.

Hang in there bro.

[EssayOfBetrayal]

Shiz, I appreciate the concern. You're a stellar person in that sense.

I guess what I wanted to do, or perhaps blog about for the first time minus all the encryption is my feelings about how I feel with life. There are a lot of things that I've been doing, trying to keep up with it all, I've been feeling greatly overwhelmed these past several months since my Spring Quarter ended.

Personally, I know what needs to be done, and I'm finally starting the ball rolling (mostly in terms of my attitudes and principles towards Academics). However on a more personal note, it's my notion of dealing with love and relationships. It's been discussed many times, but everyone at different times of their lives...how we all cope with it, neglect it....etc. For me personally, I want to justify my idea in giving up. Especially with this notion of optimism...that the “right person” just may be out there.

Do we all as people end up with the ones we would truly love? Perhaps it’s the illusion we surround ourselves in when it comes to weeding out the bad apples from the good ones. Bringing us one more step closer to “appreciating” that special person. What is it with the timing, to finding that person…how we’re supposed to ride this “miraculous” Flow of time, enabling us to cope with it and all of sudden turn brighter, gleaming with happiness like the sun on a warm spring day. I know it’s not meant for everyone…maybe it’s not meant for me…

[mabelline]

hey buddy, i know we havent talked for a minute but, dont think i havent been wondering how youre doing and holding up. I hope everything is going well and we'll catch up soon.

*huggies!

[EssayOfBetrayal]

So this whole thing about not giving a fuck is difficult to administer in terms of conditioning my perspective about the world....

For the past several weeks heading out to dive bars, lounges, clubs, while soothing myself with the poison of alcohol seems inevitable. Beyond that it feels as though the trickling of such a dangerous substance is the only means of rediscovering....human touch, as jaded and pathetic it sounds..

I'm probably at one of the lowest points of my life...probably even lower than the Mariana trench...

[EssayOfBetrayal]

After the absurd amount of alcohol intake and reflection since the last post. I've managed to get a hold of myself and take the initiative, to slowly let go of certain behaviors of my proactive attitude. The reason for this is, of my fear for certain things that would not happen due to my over analysis therefore it is detrimental to my health to continue such nonsense.

I have slight cough but nothing major, probably will take medicine later tonight unless I go out drinking again. What's interesting is the fact that, my constant state of inebriation is apparently the "life of the party" being characterized as the person who is hilarious, outgoing, and pretty laid back about life. Some people find that endearing, and the recent amount of prospects come into my life like some sort of once in a life time informercial, only to be lost in the rest of the dust of media and television.

My priorities with academics are in line now, so as long as I keep this up I shall finish up soon enough and if the opportunity presents itself. Go to either somewhere in Europe, Australia, or some part of Asia. It's leaning towards Australia, because of a good friend of mine who apparently is leaving in four months due to his exchange ending quite soon. So perhaps I'll be there during a chilly winter season, considering the atmospheres are the polar opposite when it comes to seasons.

As I'm typing this all up, I am half awake, half asleep, a quarter hung over, and another quarter dazed, while the rest I am in the midst of a blank slate...argh. Now for the tricky part, how long can I last...